Abuse is not love

Many people think domestic violence can’t and will never happen to them until it has escalated to where it is too late to receive help. Many do not even know the signs of an unhealthy relationship. You believe that you both argue because of something you did or said. The abuser will manipulate you and have you thinking that you started an argument. They are always the “victim” which is not the case.

In my case, I was in a relationship of about a year and seven months. We both were very jealous people and often had arguments more than we had happy and joyful moments. We started out by just yelling at each other that led up to physical abuse. He would smack me and grab me. Often times, I would defend myself and push away and scratch him to get him off of me, but the more I tried to defend myself the harder he would grab me. I reached the point where I just could not fight back anymore, so I let him abuse me.

I often times thought It was my fault we would start arguing. My partner would tell me it was my fault for “lying” and not being honest. We reached a point where my partner had hit me at school for messaging other guys. He made me follow him to a hall where there was no one around. He pushed me against a wall and grabbed me by the neck. After that event, teachers got involved. I spoke with counselors and a social worker. They gave me a card to Help Mate, a non-profit organization that helps people who are dealing with domestic violence in relationships. I glanced at the card and just put it in my purse thinking this is not happening to me. After the event at school, we broke up. Though, he did make me feel like I was still his property. He would intimidate me at school by giving me glances and mean looks. If I was with other guys or if I wore clothes he did not approve of, he would call me names and put me down which made me not want to wear the clothes I wanted. We went almost eight months with these issues. Then we got into a very abusive, physical fight. He left me with a busted lip, marks on my neck, and bruises on my thighs from where he had kicked me. My parents noticed the bruises and I was so panicked and scared that I told them I had gotten in a fight with another girl. I went a week without telling anyone. Finally, I decided that I had to tell someone about what had happened. I got in touch with a person of trust. I did not know where to start. What if I got him in trouble? What if he hurts me? Am I going to lose him for good? All of those questions swirled around in my head. Then again,, was I just going to stay quiet and let him get away with what he had done to me, again? It was not my fault. No one deserves to be hurt like he hurt me. Is that love? Hurting someone physically and emotionally? It is not.
There are resources that may help. You are not alone. Speak to someone of trust and reach out. The fight never stops, but what you get out of it, in the end, is priceless. If you think you are alone, you are not. The support outweighs the negative put downs by others.

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